{"id":463,"date":"2022-10-10T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-10-10T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/the-girl-bossification-and-the-motherhood-penalty\/"},"modified":"2025-09-03T18:58:15","modified_gmt":"2025-09-03T18:58:15","slug":"the-girl-bossification-and-the-motherhood-penalty","status":"publish","type":"essays","link":"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/essays\/the-girl-bossification-and-the-motherhood-penalty\/","title":{"rendered":"Beyond the #Girlboss: Fixing the Motherhood Penalty"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201cEven with men doing more parenting than before, the majority of women are still left facing the well-rehearsed motherhood-versus-career dichotomy. But it\u2019s not<\/em> a dichotomy; it\u2019s a socially organized choice <\/strong>masquerading as a natural one.\u201d\u2014Laura Kipnis<\/em><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

A few weeks ago, I betrayed my better judgment and found myself wandering innocently into the comments section of a Wall Street Journal article about the wage gap<\/span><\/a>. This particular<\/em> article posited that the wage gap opens relatively early in a career, examining salaries for male and female students only a couple of years after they crossed the graduation stage. Its findings will be unsurprising to most young women working in male-dominated fields: Even after only a year (or three) in the workforce, there\u2019s an observable and consistent gap in pay. <\/p>\n

Per the Wall Street Journal<\/span><\/a>, the data studied 1.7 million graduates from the classes of 2015 and 2016 and found median pay for men \u201cexceeded that for women three years after graduation in nearly 75% of roughly 11,300 undergraduate and graduate degree programs at some 2,000 universities.\u201d They found that\u2014in roughly half the programs studied\u2014the men\u2019s earnings were outpacing women\u2019s by around 10% or more after three years in the workforce.<\/p>\n

The article\u2019s colorful comments section (1,400 strong) was populated most emphatically by Pauls, Kevins, and Tonys offering up explanations for why women are paid less than men; note that the split between those who were (a) refuting that the wage gap exists and those who were (b) justifying<\/em> its existence was roughly 50\/50, so rage-scroll at your own risk. <\/p>\n

My favorite commenter, though, had to be Stephan, who\u2014in an effort to dismiss the statistical significance of the article at hand\u2014inadvertently hit the nail on the head:<\/p>\n

\u201cMy experience as an engineering manager is that men worked longer hours. I managed a group of 9 men and 8 women. The women had kids to deal with. Their husbands\/boyfriends didn\u2019t do the kid stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\n \u201c<\/span>Men\u2019s earnings were outpacing women\u2019s by around 10% or more after three years in the workforce.\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n
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Hm. <\/p>\n

Another commenter named Julie put the entire team on her back with the most incredible refuting one-liner of all time:<\/p>\n

\u201cOdd, the inequity in parenting.\u201d <\/p>\n

This is where things got juicy, because then commenter Darren piped up. I don\u2019t think you\u2019ll believe this actually happened if I just copy\/paste it, so instead, I\u2019ll share a screenshot that I took for posterity (you know, so I can show my daughter someday when she\u2019s running for president):<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\"\"\/<\/p>\n

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And a thousand dog whistles sounded simultaneously.<\/em><\/p>\n

My favorite line? \u201cIf human females had evolved as the swifter, stronger, more efficient hunters, the weaker, slower men would have handled the gathering and child-rearing closer to the cave.\u201d<\/p>\n

Because of course, only the strongest, fastest hunters are capable of the keyboard-punching knowledge work that requires one to be sedentary for nine hours a day. You\u2019re so<\/em> right, Darren, there\u2019s no chance my supposed evolutionary \u201cgatherer\u201d skill set would serve me in the rough terrain of a cubicle farm\u2014thanks for looking out for my vulnerable female frame.<\/p>\n

Not to mention the fact that modern science is finding that these (largely Victorian male) ideas about \u201chunting and gathering\u201d were\u2014drumroll please\u2014mostly wrong<\/span><\/a>. Viking women were warriors. Prehistoric women did the majority of everything<\/em>. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Biological destiny, or sociocultural preference?<\/h2>\n

This experience confirmed two things for me: Darren slept through his sociology and history classes, and there are a few too many biological determinists with Wall Street Journal subscriptions. <\/p>\n

To back up a half-step, the original comment that fueled this incredible back-and-forth was actually correct<\/em>\u2014men, by and large, don\u2019t \u201cdo the kid stuff.\u201d Women do. As a result, women do<\/em>, on average, work fewer paid<\/em> hours<\/span><\/a> than men. <\/p>\n

The interesting thing, of course, about raising the \u201cIt\u2019s because women are moms!<\/em>\u201d theory on this particular study<\/em> is that most women two years out of Georgetown Law working for their first big firms are not yet mothers. Maybe even the potential for becoming <\/em>a mother who may eventually sacrifice shareholder value to breastfeed is enough to suppress wages?<\/p>\n

The other strain of pseudoscience that jumped out at me was this reliance in the rhetoric on \u201cbiology\u201d and \u201cmaternal instincts.\u201d If we\u2019re to believe Darren, we can\u2019t \u201cignore biology.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\n \u201c<\/span>What will improve the circumstances at hand: Mandatory paid parental leave for all parents and some form of subsidized childcare.\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n
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Darren would probably be surprised to know that the \u201cnatural\u201d 1950s version of motherhood he\u2019s referencing was not a biological evolution, but a unique blip in the human history of parenting<\/strong>: In an essay called \u201cMaternal Instincts<\/span><\/a>\u201d by Laura Kipnis, she writes, \u201cI don\u2019t believe in maternal instinct because as anyone who\u2019s perused the literature on the subject knows, it\u2019s an invented concept that arises at a particular point in history (I\u2019m speaking of Western history here)\u2014circa the Industrial Revolution, just as the new industrial-era sexual division of labor was being negotiated, the one where men go to work and women stay home raising kids. (Before that, pretty much everyone worked at home.) What we\u2019re calling biological instinct is a historical artifact\u2014a culturally specific development, not a fact of nature.\u201d <\/p>\n

Reshma Saujani, founder of the Marshall Plan for Moms<\/span><\/a>, is clear about what\u2019ll improve the circumstances at hand: Mandatory paid parental leave for all parents and some form of subsidized childcare.<\/p>\n

This is because women are often the de facto project managers of the home (burdened with the mental and<\/em> physical load). If we\u2019re able to legislate ubiquitous paid childcare and family leave, this will take much of the pressure off women to successfully perform two full-time jobs at once (one paid, one not-so paid). <\/p>\n

While it would be easy to point the finger at policymakers for this one, unfortunately, the problem appears to be a little more complex.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Do all<\/em> countries with paid family leave and subsidized childcare have more equitable workplaces? Unfortunately, no<\/h2>\n

Research from Harvard economics professor Claudia Goldin<\/span><\/a> suggests that the cultural expectations placed on women may be just as powerful as policy: In countries where people express strong convictions that women should resign themselves to the domestic sphere, the observable pay gap for working moms is larger, regardless of policy<\/em>. <\/p>\n

For example, the pay gap between working women and everyone else in Germany is 3x larger<\/span><\/a> than that in Denmark, despite the fact the countries have remarkably similar paid leave and childcare policies, per Bloomberg\u2019s reporting. (Germany and Austria still maintain old-school ideas of a woman\u2019s role in society and the home, while Denmark is a little more egalitarian. Scandinavia for the win part \u221e.)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\n \u201c<\/span>Sometimes the laws are what drive the shifts.\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n
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Despite the 1950s rose-colored glasses some people in Germany and Austria may be donning, it\u2019s important that our laws work in lockstep with cultural shifts. After all, sometimes the laws are what drive<\/em> the shifts<\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n

But overall, the research suggests that the \u201cmotherhood penalty,\u201d or the phenomenon wherein a woman\u2019s long-term earnings drop by up to 10% for each child she bears (per Penn<\/span><\/a>), has less to do with public policy and more to do with our deeply ingrained cultural expectations for women and social norms<\/strong>. <\/p>\n

Curiously, men\u2019s earnings do not<\/em> drop after they become parents\u2014they typically rise, per Duke<\/span><\/a>. Boys will be boys, huh?!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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What\u2019s a mother to do? Lean in, Girlboss!<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s probably understandable, then, why women have chosen to take matters into their own hands. <\/p>\n

This approach (as we know it today) was first lionized in the 21st century in Sheryl Sandberg\u2019s Lean In<\/em>. (It\u2019s worth mentioning that this idea is not new: Helen Gurley Brown wrote Having it All: Love, Success, Sex, Money Even if You\u2019re Starting with Nothing<\/em> in 1982. Notably, she omitted \u201csleep\u201d in the title.)<\/p>\n

Sophia Amoruso, founder of Nasty Gal and author of the book #Girlboss<\/em>, was an icon for pink capitalists everywhere when she ignited this movement in 2014. And yes, I, too, read #Girlboss<\/em> with breathless wonder. <\/p>\n

It\u2019s hard to deny that what Amoruso built was impressive: a company with a $200 million valuation with absolutely no outside funding. Only a small handful of people on earth can claim they did such a thing. And in perhaps the most ironic fall from grace possible given the title of this piece, Amoruso came under fire in 2015<\/span><\/a> for allegedly firing three female employees who were\u2026pregnant and about to go on maternity leave. Le sigh.<\/em><\/p>\n

The public outcry and backlash against Amoruso was swift and full-throated.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\n \u201c<\/span>Unilaterally criticizing individual women who have accomplished great things leads to its own sexist slippery slope, and blasting women who gain a foothold in male-dominated spaces is a frequently wielded weapon in patriarchy\u2019s toolbox.\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n
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While Girlboss is now an eponymous media company devoted to \u201chelping women define success on their own terms,\u201d the \u201cGirlboss\u201d ethos has come under fire in recent years after a few<\/em> prominent successful women<\/span><\/a> Girlbossed a little too close to the sun. It\u2019s probably worth noting, too, that male founders with problematic track records don\u2019t tend to receive this kind of ongoing scrutiny and attention after public fuck ups\u2014no, they receive $350 million<\/span><\/a> in fresh funding.<\/p>\n

This is where things get messy. Unilaterally criticizing <\/em>individual women who have accomplished great things leads to its own sexist slippery slope, and blasting women who gain a foothold in male-dominated spaces is a frequently wielded weapon in patriarchy\u2019s toolbox.<\/p>\n

Samhita Mukhopadhyay writes for The Cut<\/span><\/a>, \u201c#Girlboss is\u2026the living embodiment of Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg\u2019s order to lean in. The project was, on its face, necessary: The game is rigged against women who are, by all measures, as capable as men. But in mere months, the #Girlboss went from being an empowering idea to shorthand for a type of fake-woke feminism.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jia Tolentino also notes in her book Trick Mirror<\/em> that the Girlboss ethos is attractive because it moralizes the imperative of \u201cgetting yours\u201d; that individual wealth acquisition or ladder ascension is inherently progressive. <\/p>\n

Sure, it\u2019s pink-washed individualism dressed up as activism\u2014but who could blame us? The whole reason Sandberg told us to \u201clean in\u201d in the first place is because men have no qualms about pursuing wealth, success, and prestige. Encouraging women to shamelessly barnstorm the C-suite felt like really solid advice for creating a more egalitarian Corporate America. (Though there\u2019s something about aspiring to Corporate America at all that feels vaguely dystopian, but I digress.)<\/p>\n

Tolentino, of course, points out this brand of empowerment earns the bottom line-focused corporate sector\u2019s stamp of approval\u2014the \u201cFEMINIST AS FUCK\u201d T-shirts practically sold themselves.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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But here\u2019s the issue: Any solution that focuses too much<\/em> on individual talent and achievement risks leaving others behind<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s now clear to me that only making myself<\/em> magnificently rich and successful does little to advance the position of all<\/em> women. Individual success or exceptionalism on its own<\/em> is not enough, particularly when women make up two-thirds<\/span><\/a> of low-wage workers who are largely excluded from this type of corporate ladder-climbing advice altogether.<\/p>\n

And lest you believe this social pressure is confined to the lower and middle classes, rest assured that even the most privileged and educated among us are not exempt. In anthropologist Dr. Wednesday Martin\u2019s book Primates of Park Avenue<\/em>, she documents her life marrying a hedge fund manager and moving to the Upper East Side of Manhattan to live amongst some of the most fascinating creatures of all: UES moms. <\/p>\n

Her findings? Even having a lot of money isn’t enough to change cultural expectations about what counts as \u201cwork.\u201d Martin concludes that wealthy, non-working moms can sense the disequilibrium and may not feel they’re equals with their male, breadwinning partners due to the disparity in their economic contributions to the family: \u201cAccess to your husband’s money might feel good. But the comparative study of human society and our primate relatives shows that such access can’t buy you the power you get by being the one who earns it.”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\n \u201c<\/span>Women\u2019s unpaid labor contributes and enables between 10% and 40% of a country\u2019s overall GDP, and the unpaid labor of American women is estimated to be worth $1.5 trillion per year.\u00a0\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n
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You don\u2019t simply lose your drive and relentless pursuit of success when you become a stay-at-home mom in the .1%: You just channel that ambition into \u201cmommy pursuits<\/strong>,\u201d like throwing the most face-melting class parties and charity events. <\/p>\n

Whether you\u2019re leaving your job because your husband is a hedge fund manager or you can\u2019t afford to work and <\/em>pay for childcare, the resultant feelings of inadequacy (and being generally undervalued) seem to be a constant across all socioeconomic strata (though, to be sure, those at the top are weathering those feelings from a much more comfortable vantage point).<\/p>\n

Because surprise, surprise: Household labor is not recorded<\/span><\/a> in GDP. This was a conscious choice, as the measure of \u201cGDP\u201d was invented to help make taxation decisions. <\/p>\n

Still, the fact that I can earn GDP-relevant income raising someone else\u2019s<\/em> child (but not my own!) is a little\u2026strange, if you think about it for too long. It\u2019s especially<\/em> strange when one considers women\u2019s unpaid labor contributes and enables between 10% and 40%<\/span><\/a> of a country\u2019s overall GDP, and the unpaid labor of American women is estimated to be worth $1.5 trillion<\/span><\/a> per year. <\/p>\n

What\u2019s important to remember, of course, is what Kipnis tells us in her essay: The motherhood-versus-career choice is not a biologically mandated choice. It\u2019s a socially organized one, masquerading as a natural one. <\/p>\n

The next time someone asks you about your plan for balancing work and family, be sure to stare at them quizzically and inquire if they\u2019re asking their male friends the same question. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cEven with men doing more parenting than before, the majority of women are still left facing the well-rehearsed motherhood-versus-career dichotomy. But it\u2019s not a dichotomy; it\u2019s a socially organized choice masquerading as a natural one.\u201d\u2014Laura Kipnis A few weeks ago, I betrayed my better judgment and found myself wandering innocently into the comments section of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":2501,"template":"","meta":[],"categories":[28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-463","essays","type-essays","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-feminism"],"yoast_head":"\nBeyond the #Girlboss: Fixing the Motherhood Penalty - Money with Katie<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/essays\/the-girl-bossification-and-the-motherhood-penalty\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Beyond the #Girlboss: Fixing the Motherhood Penalty - Money with Katie\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cEven with men doing more parenting than before, the majority of women are still left facing the well-rehearsed motherhood-versus-career dichotomy. 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