{"id":351,"date":"2022-11-28T12:58:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-28T12:58:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/paralyzing-effects-of-financial-perfectionism\/"},"modified":"2025-08-29T20:43:31","modified_gmt":"2025-08-29T20:43:31","slug":"paralyzing-effects-of-financial-perfectionism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/paralyzing-effects-of-financial-perfectionism\/","title":{"rendered":"The Paralyzing Effects of Financial Perfectionism (and a Better Way)"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

A few years ago, I was going through cycle instructor training in Dallas. <\/p>\n

I entered into the process as a certified yoga sculpt instructor already, convinced that learning how to teach this other<\/em> modality would last a few easy weeks at most before I\u2019d find myself saving a horse and riding a stationary bike, with my mic, Soundcloud remixes, and glory in tow.<\/p>\n

Six months and hundreds of hours of training later, I realized: I was embarrassingly, hilariously wrong.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s because my instructor coach (now one of my closest friends and dubbed one of Dallas\u2019s top instructors<\/span><\/a> by D Magazine) was so hell-bent on wringing the perfectionism<\/strong> out of me. <\/p>\n

For most of my life, I wore perfectionism like a badge. It was my go-to job interview \u201cweakness\u201d answer, a humblebrag disguised as a problem. \u201cI\u2019m just such<\/em> a perfectionist,\u201d I\u2019d say, thumbing through my color-coded planners and polishing my 4.0 GPA. \u201cI demand flawlessness<\/em> of myself.\u201d <\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t learn until later that the second half of the sentence was, \u201c…because I don\u2019t believe I\u2019m inherently deserving of anything good on my own<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Somehow, I thought my perfectionism made me better<\/em>\u2014like I wasn\u2019t willing to accept anything less than 110% (I\u2019m intentionally choosing a mathematically impossible quantity here, mind you).<\/p>\n

That didn\u2019t fly with my coach. She once infamously brought me to tears during one early-morning training session wherein I sobbed under an unforgiving spotlight (yes, a literal spotlight) as Ariana Grande\u2019s \u201cbreak up with your girlfriend, i\u2019m bored\u201d echoed through the room, because she had instructed me to let loose and \u201cpop off more.\u201d She could see through my tight, restrained, \u201cperfect\u201d approach\u2014avoiding mistakes and coloring inside the lines weren\u2019t working for her. She was frustrated. I was frustrated.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy doesn\u2019t it look like you\u2019re having fun? You look miserable. Take your ponytail out or something,\u201d she instructed, having mostly given up on the morning\u2019s session.<\/p>\n

Me, through wails: \u201cI (sob) just (sob) don\u2019t (sob) know (sob) what you want me to do.\u201d (Code: Give me instructions! Give me a handbook! I\u2019m lost with my own lack of intuition and confidence up here! I don\u2019t trust myself to behave on instinct!<\/em>)<\/p>\n

Perfectionism<\/span><\/a>, it turned out, isn\u2019t some gold star handed out to the best and brightest. It\u2019s usually a defense mechanism for those terrified<\/em> of fucking up\u2014so afraid of making a mistake that they\u2019d rather not do anything at all than do the \u201cwrong\u201d thing. It stems (unsurprisingly) from deep, crippling insecurity. There\u2019s nothing cute or humblebraggy about it, despite how I framed it. <\/p>\n

Admitting you\u2019re a perfectionist is akin to admitting that you don\u2019t trust<\/em> yourself.<\/p>\n

Perfectionism, procrastination, and paralysis <\/h2>\n

\u201cKatie, isn\u2019t this a personal finance blog? Why are you talking about crying atop a spin podium?\u201d Yeah, yeah, Bridget\u2014we\u2019re getting to it. Enjoy the ride, baby, because we\u2019re taking the scenic route today.<\/p>\n

While I was never fully comfortable \u201cpopping off\u201d in a sports bra in front of 50 people, I did<\/em> feel pretty at home inside my budgeting software and spreadsheets. I marveled at how quickly my interest in dipping from full-time work before age 65 transmuted into an obsession with wealth-building. When it came to money, I had no trouble popping off<\/em>.<\/p>\n

And when friends would express feelings of paralysis and procrastination around money, I\u2019d stand there, watching them cry on their <\/em>metaphoric podium, asking, \u201cWhy aren\u2019t you having any fun<\/em>? Just let your hair down and set up the automatic transfer, baby!\u201d<\/p>\n

Most of the financial advice I encountered was steeped in an evangelical, patriarchal obsession<\/span><\/a> with discipline and self-sacrifice. It was like Dave Ramsey and his acolytes were screaming at my peers: \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with you? Why can\u2019t you just buckle down and do this<\/em>? It\u2019s just math, idiot! Maybe if you hadn\u2019t fried your brain from all those pumpkin spice cold brews, you\u2019d be able to figure it out.\u201d <\/p>\n

(Typing such a disparaging sentence about pumpkin spice cold brew pains me.)<\/p>\n

But one woman\u2019s stationary bike is another woman\u2019s Roth IRA. The haunting perfectionism that left me<\/em> paralyzed (and procrastinating on my eventual ascent to the teaching schedule for six months) is often the same defense mechanism that keeps droves of people from taking the 15 minutes to create an account, make some elections, and add some cash. <\/p>\n

It\u2019s the fear of messing up. The fear of not doing it \u201cright.\u201d The fear of taking the \u201cwrong\u201d step, even if it\u2019s a step forward, and resisting the small knowing that something deeper is going on. <\/p>\n

There\u2019s a reason the \u201cextreme sacrifice and discipline\u201d approach doesn\u2019t work for a lot of people (and women in particular)<\/h2>\n

If you\u2019ve ever felt intimidated, beaten down, and discouraged by personal finance advice that hyper-focuses on self-discipline, self-denial, and a sprinkle of self-loathing, there’s a good reason for that. <\/p>\n

Consider this: In her book Quit Like a Woman<\/em><\/span><\/a>: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol<\/em>, Holly Whitaker unpacks the way most addiction therapy (in particular, the 1930s-born Alcoholics Anonymous) was designed by and for upper- and middle-class white men. <\/p>\n

She points out that historically marginalized groups who suffer from addiction don\u2019t identify with some parts of the ubiquitous 12-step program, particularly the ones that emphasize acknowledging you aren\u2019t<\/em> God and can\u2019t<\/em> control the universe. She emphasizes further that these groups don\u2019t<\/em> drink in excess thanks to an overdeveloped sense of ego or a pathological lack of humility; instead, they often drink for the opposite reason, and\u2014at the risk of overgeneralizing her argument\u2014to numb<\/em> their experience of relative powerlessness.<\/p>\n

(I promise I\u2019m about to relate this back to money; hold my alcohol-free beer.)<\/p>\n

If I have a spending problem because I believe on some level that I\u2019m a worthless piece of shit, telling me<\/em> that I\u2019m a worthless piece of shit and shouldn\u2019t be spending money doesn\u2019t help<\/em> me\u2014it just reinforces the feelings that make me want to spend in the first place. <\/p>\n

The blunt force trauma of advice that emphasizes scarcity and sacrifice does more harm than good for those who already feel beaten down and paralyzed by fear. It\u2019s well-intentioned for certain groups; if you fancy yourself the metaphoric Big Man on Campus\u00ae driving around in a financed, lifted F-250 because you believe you\u2019re better than everyone else, being \u201ccut down to size\u201d by Ramsey & Co. may be exactly what you need to rein in your spending and build a plan.  <\/p>\n

But if you already feel\u2014subconsciously or consciously\u2014that you\u2019re undeserving of wealth, security, and comfort, you don\u2019t<\/em> need to be cut down to size. You need to be right-sized into believing that you\u2019re capable and worthy of financial security. The Old Testament fire-and-brimstone approach is unlikely to work for you.<\/p>\n

Recovering from perfectionism and taking the first small step<\/h2>\n

I\u2019m a shameless fan of optimization to the nth degree. Identifying ways to optimize your money for each incremental 1% gain is\u2014in some ways\u2014my job, and what I (get paid to) think about all day. <\/p>\n

Sure, we could<\/em> quibble over whether it\u2019s better to start paying off debt or investing first, or whether we\u2019re better off renting or buying, or whether we should be opening a Roth IRA or a taxable brokerage account, or whether we need more Small Cap or Large Cap exposure. <\/p>\n

But if these endless, circular debates are creating analysis paralysis\u2014a fear of your first step being the \u201cwrong\u201d one\u2014we\u2019ve lost the plot. It\u2019s important to lovingly acknowledge when we\u2019re using these debates as excuses for inaction.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Whitaker talks about the mountain of shit that was wrong with her when she began her recovery journey (her words, not mine): She was a drug user. She was drinking herself sick. She was eating too much sugar. She was getting jacked up on caffeine. She had six figures of credit card debt. She was intermittently bulimic and anorexic. She described how she felt so overwhelmed by how much was \u201cwrong with her\u201d<\/em> that it prevented her from taking the first step for a very, very long time.<\/p>\n

But she knew the big<\/em> piece\u2014the piece that was hurting her most actively\u2014was the drinking. So rather than trying to quit all of it, all at once, she focused first on the alcohol. She didn\u2019t try to quit smoking pot, or cut out sugar, or pay off her debt. She just focused on getting the drinking under control and\u2014eventually\u2014eliminated it entirely. <\/p>\n

Once the alcohol was out of the picture, the eating disorder subsided, too. Once she stopped binging and purging, she felt more capable of abandoning the drugs. She paid off her debt. She knew that her assortment of maladies was arranged in a \u201cdomino effect,\u201d and that by taking out the big player, she\u2019d removed the power the smaller ones held over her.<\/p>\n

The point is, sometimes the best step is picking the thing that feels the most damaging or self-defeating in your financial picture and starting there<\/strong>, regardless of what the money gurus tell you is the \u201cright\u201d place to start. <\/p>\n

The reasons we abstain from action are often not<\/em> because we don\u2019t logically know what to do, but because we\u2019re terrified of making a mistake (and its consequences), and we keep waiting to be \u201cready enough.\u201d We don\u2019t trust ourselves.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Pick the financial issue that bothers you the most, and start there<\/h2>\n

If you can\u2019t sleep at night because of your debt and it eats up too much of your mental bandwidth to even consider learning about investing, then make your debt the \u201cfirst step\u201d focus\u2014even<\/em> if the interest rate is low, even<\/em> if you get a 401(k) match, even<\/em> if you also have a spending problem. <\/p>\n

Release the idea that a \u201cperfect\u201d way to build financial security even exists, and trust yourself to focus your effort and energy on the thing that\u2019s right for you<\/em>. Once the debt is gone, focus on the next-most important thing\u2014but give yourself permission to ignore everything besides the debt<\/em> while you\u2019re chipping away at it. This process will take time and may be full of mistakes. Do it anyway.<\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s your spending. Maybe it\u2019s the fact that you don\u2019t have an emergency fund. Maybe it\u2019s your $0 401(k) balance. Maybe you\u2019re even retired<\/em> and find yourself unable to spend money, because you\u2019ve equated spending with irresponsibility and a lack of discipline for your entire life, just to be able<\/em> to retire.<\/p>\n

Whatever it is, grant yourself permission to not do it \u201cperfectly.\u201d Concede that your financial progress is not linear; a spending bender one weekend does not mean you\u2019re a hopeless mess who\u2019s once again fallen off the wagon. No\u2014instead, you dust yourself off, get back on the metaphorical podium, and acknowledge that you\u2019re in the process of recovering from your perfectionism paralysis and<\/em> learning how to trust yourself to make good decisions for Future You. <\/p>\n

Even with the mistakes that\u2019ll happen along the way. <\/p>\n

Forgiveness (and building something better)<\/h2>\n

Even though my cycle instructor training was almost three years ago now, it opened the door for me to see myself a little more honestly. It required me to explore how to forgive myself for not being perfect.<\/em> <\/p>\n

(Oh, great, she\u2019s launching into a self-love diatribe\u2014just what the internet needs!<\/em> But bear with me.)<\/p>\n

When I talk to people who are in a lot of debt (or who have \u201cwasted\u201d too much time and feel they\u2019ve missed the boat on building wealth entirely, so they\u2019re paralyzed about how to move forward), I don\u2019t see people with too little discipline or too many trips to Mykonos. I see people who are very, very angry with themselves. <\/p>\n

Feelings of resentment, guilt, and shame toward \u201cpast us\u201d prevent \u201ccurrent us\u201d from taking responsibility, learning, and moving forward. The emotions feel like a just punishment, but they\u2019re ultimately counterproductive. (And when the personal finance advice we\u2019re reading reinforces<\/em> those feelings of shame and guilt? Whew, look out.) <\/p>\n

Whether it\u2019s the perfectionism-driven fear of messing up<\/strong> (most often identified by the statement, \u201cI don\u2019t feel ready to start!\u201d), the belief that you\u2019re not worthy of financial security<\/strong> (most often represented by feelings of anger or shame around money), or the self-defeating behavior that lands you in a pit of loathing<\/strong> every time you open your credit card statement, we cannot establish a better way forward if we continually blame and abandon ourselves. <\/p>\n

Even if it feels cheesy, say\u2014out loud!\u2014to yourself: \u201cI am ready to forgive you for [x].\u201d I am ready to forgive you for getting us into debt. I am ready to forgive you for spending too much sometimes. I am ready to forgive you for waiting until now to start investing. I am ready to forgive you for avoiding the stuff that felt insurmountable at the time.<\/em><\/p>\n

Fortunately, even if it feels ridiculous, your subconscious mind doesn\u2019t know the difference. If you\u2019ve tried blunt-force discipline to no avail but haven\u2019t <\/em>tried gentle forgiveness, releasing the idea that the first step must be a perfect one, and trusting yourself to focus on the \u201cright\u201d thing, that\u2019s a great place to begin. <\/p>\n

And if it has to start with an Ariana Grande-induced public cry, so be it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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