{"id":219,"date":"2023-10-09T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-10-09T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/how-to-transition-slowly-to-frugality\/"},"modified":"2025-08-28T14:42:22","modified_gmt":"2025-08-28T14:42:22","slug":"how-to-transition-slowly-to-frugality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/moneywithkatie.com\/how-to-transition-slowly-to-frugality\/","title":{"rendered":"Why \u201cResponsible Spending\u201d Feels Better Than Frugality"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Last month, Ramit Sethi tweeted a few common pitfalls<\/span><\/a> he witnesses from people who earn more than $150,000 per year and \u201cstop carefully tracking expenses.\u201d One jumped out at me in particular: \u201cBecause they stop tracking, their costs increase substantially on eating out and travel. I\u2019ll ask them about travel. Their response: \u2018It\u2019s not like we travel all the time!\u2019 But if they dig into actual spending, they took 6 vacations, including mini-trips, and because they make more, they didn\u2019t track spending on any of them. These add up.\u201d<\/p>\n

While I still track all of my spending and can tell you\u2014to the dollar\u2014what my husband and I dropped on each category in any given month over the last five years, I\u2019ll be the first to admit that earning more has definitely<\/em> loosened my grip on the spending habits I worked so hard to sharpen when I earned far less. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\n \u201c<\/span>The good news? Most times, you are the gatekeeper of the \u2018expenses\u2019 side.\u00a0\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n
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And as always, on the journey to financial freedom, there are two crucial sides to the equation: income and expenses.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, most of us can\u2019t decide to inflate the income side at a moment\u2019s notice (although I\u2019d argue increasing your income is probably more within reach than you\u2019d expect), and as Ramit points out, sometimes increasing your income doesn\u2019t actually power any progress\u2014because the \u201cexpenses\u201d side rises commensurately.<\/p>\n

The good news? Most times, you are the gatekeeper of the \u201cexpenses\u201d side.<\/strong> <\/p>\n

And I get it: Another article telling me to spend less money? Snooze, Katie. Next!<\/em> But there\u2019s no denying that savvy money management and intentional spending are skills we have to hone, so they\u2019re worth revisiting every once in a while\u2014particularly because some of these changes can actually make your life better<\/em>. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Transitioning gradually to responsible spending<\/h2>\n

If you\u2019re trying to spend more responsibly and you\u2019re not in a dire financial situation, you can slowly change your habits so they stick\u2014hell, you might even enjoy<\/em> the changes. There\u2019s no need to go from cold brew to cold turkey immediately\u2014that\u2019s not very sustainable, after all, and only increases your chances of backsliding if you\u2019re not totally bought into the benefits. <\/p>\n

(I am confident, however, that once you see the effects in your bank account over a few months, you\u2019ll be sold.)<\/p>\n

Our personal spending habits are emotional. They\u2019re intertwined with our sense of self and the lifestyle choices that make us \u201cus.\u201d Our identities are informed by our habits, and our habits are just the choices we repeatedly make. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\n \u201c<\/span>So how do you shift your identity? You start tweaking some of your habits.\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n
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By that measure, any<\/em> change can feel threatening to our identity at first. So how do you shift your identity? You start tweaking some of your habits.<\/p>\n

It starts, unsurprisingly, with an awareness of your weak spots. How do you home in on your spending red flags? Take a page from the Marie Kondo playbook and simply identify what you own way too much of<\/em>. (If you\u2019re more of a \u201ctravel and dining\u201d spender, you can do this via forensic accounting in your credit card statements. I did this with a reader once who discovered she was spending more than $1,000 per month on Amazon when she finally sat down and tallied it up.)<\/p>\n

My weakness is lululemon. My personal financial discipline seems to dissipate in the rare retail air of a lululemon store. Slap a purple markdown sticker on something my size and\u2014nine times out of 10\u2014I\u2019ll be in a semi-hallucinatory state in the dressing room, picturing myself gallivanting in and out of a cycling studio or walking the dog in said gear, blasting the subliminal message to everyone around me that I, Katie Gatti Tassin, am fit, chic, and in-the-know.<\/p>\n

While you might have an incredibly niche weak spot, most people\u2019s common financial pitfalls fit rather predictably in a few categories: retail, food, and travel. But the reasons<\/em> these are common weak spots vary (as do the remedies for improving them), so let\u2019s unpack them individually. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Retail<\/h3>\n

Retail can be a trap door\u2014it was an uncomfortably common experience for me to forget about impulse purchases entirely until I saw the $50 line item on my statement at the end of the month as I anxiously reflected on why I didn\u2019t save more, reminding me of my window shopping fail. <\/p>\n

My unscientific opinion is that part of the reason retail purchases have a habit of sneaking up on us is because a common pastime in big cities is wandering around shopping centers, boutiques, and other marketplaces for entertainment\u2014and the more you put yourself in physical proximity to interesting things to buy, the more likely you are to slam down the AmEx. The same goes for the ease and ubiquity of online shopping and two-day shipping. Less friction = more transactions. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\n \u201c<\/span>Limit your exposure to external temptations that don\u2019t arise from your legitimate needs.\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n
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This is, in many ways, the entire Target business model: Big retail brands have made a concerted effort<\/span><\/a> to turn shopping into an experience in itself. Why? Because getting you in the store is step #1.<\/p>\n

Sometimes you do<\/em> actually need to buy something. While the ultra-frugal approach is to avoid buying anything<\/em>, here\u2019s my middle-ground solution: Try avoiding the \u201cshopping for fun\u201d or \u201cshopping as something to do\u201d paradigm for a little bit. See if only navigating to websites or stores armed with an intention to buy a specific item cuts down on mindless retail spending. (We recently covered our favorite method for taking the air out of wanton desires in this Rich Girl Roundup<\/span><\/a>.)<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not like you\u2019re doing a \u201cno spend\u201d month\u2014you\u2019re just limiting your exposure to external temptations that don\u2019t arise from your legitimate needs. And while some people are spoiled with way<\/em> cooler places to walk (I\u2019m looking at you, Coloradans), non-commercial spaces are usually a better option for \u201cHey, wanna grab a beverage and go walk around X?\u201d-style plans.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Speaking of buying a beverage\u2026food, drinks, and coffee<\/h3>\n

Without a doubt, the category I\u2019ve overspent on the most (and had to work the hardest at cutting back) has been food. I used to spend $750\/month on restaurant food (for just me!) in a medium cost of living city in 2018 with ease<\/em>. And while I somehow managed to get my total food spending regularly under $200 per month for a couple of years, it\u2019s an area that quickly became troublesome again when I let my foot off the gas.<\/p>\n

After realizing my food spending got out of control in 2022 (to the tune of roughly $2,000 per month\u2014I know), I managed to wrangle it again. Even after all the food inflation of the past few years, my \u201chalf\u201d of our restaurant spending is now around $330\/month on average.<\/p>\n

Allow me to paint a picture:<\/p>\n

You buy your Starbucks (or other boutique coffee shop) cup every morning. A few days a week, you grab lunch from a local spot. You get apps and drinks during happy hour shenanigans after work with friends, and you almost exclusively eat at an overpriced brunch spot on Saturdays and\/or Sundays\u2014lest we forget the Friday and Saturday evening drinks at the bar and the inevitable late-night pizza or tacos!<\/p>\n

When you list everything like that, it sounds like a lot. But when you\u2019re living<\/em> it, with many of these relatively low-value purchase decisions sometimes 12 or 18 hours apart, it feels completely reasonable (particularly when everyone else<\/em> around you is doing the same thing). And it\u2019s not just you: \u201cFood away from home\u201d spending relative to \u201cfood at home\u201d spending is at an all-time high<\/span><\/a>. <\/p>\n

Still, the solution isn\u2019t a prison diet of seven nights per week of unseasoned chicken, rice, and beans. After all, money is meant to be enjoyed\u2014and there\u2019s a middle ground.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\n \u201c<\/span>The trick is actually getting to the grocery store regularly and establishing the habit.\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n
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Here\u2019s what worked for me: I weaned myself off the $5 daily morning cold brews by switching to the (still overpriced) jugs you can buy at the grocery store (I realize the coffee example is so tired\u2014but when I was making $3,000 per month, $150 felt like a lot for caffeine). When I got sick of that, I got a Nespresso machine (each pod costs roughly $1), which is still far more expensive<\/em> than making it yourself, but only about 20% as much as my former habit. <\/p>\n

By choosing a grocery store brand or a product that still excites you, you\u2019re more likely to stick with the plan instead of bagging the whole thing and blacking out three cars deep in the Dutch Bros drive-through.<\/p>\n

(The other bonus here: Now, going out for a specialty coffee is a treat, because it\u2019s no longer my norm.)<\/p>\n

The takeout trap is slightly harder to escape, since it preys on our perception of convenience\u2026or so it seems! Stopping at a restaurant or ordering takeout is<\/em> overpriced, but it\u2019s also fairly time-consuming if you\u2019re driving around town on a daily basis to do so. (This is why my takeout habit got so bad in 2022: I wasn\u2019t even going to pick up my own food. I was getting everything delivered via Uber Eats, which means you can add another<\/em> 15%\u201320% markup on everything I bought.) <\/p>\n

Last year, it morphed from a special occasion weekly purchase to a baseline, near-daily habit. Still, quitting your takeout routine and cooking all of your own food might feel like a huge, daunting jump. <\/p>\n

The middle-ground alternative? Buying pre-made food from a grocery store\u2019s deli section or using a meal delivery service. The trick is actually getting to the grocery store regularly<\/em> and establishing the habit. <\/p>\n

Most grocery store chains carry pre-packaged goods: rotisserie chicken, mashed potatoes and salad by the pound, even robust sushi offerings\u2014it\u2019s all at your local grocer for a fraction of the price of the restaurants down the street. What we want to avoid<\/em> is the exhausted Wednesday night after work when there\u2019s no food in your fridge and the siren song of the DoorDash app ropes you into a $60 delivery. <\/p>\n

Eventually you may find yourself feeling more confident about learning to cook regularly (by the time I finally did, I realized it was a lot less challenging than I had been expecting). <\/p>\n

To figure out how much you\u2019re averaging per meal and determine whether this is a problem area for you, simply combine your credit card statement(s)\u2019s \u201cgroceries\u201d and \u201cdining out\u201d categories for a month and divide by 90 (30 days on average, for three meals per day). The 2024 Money with Katie Wealth Planner has a new \u201cYear in Review\u201d feature that makes this relatively easy. Our average worked out to about $9\/meal per person this year, compared to last year\u2019s average of roughly $21 (I warned you it was bad).<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Travel<\/h3>\n

Travel is a challenging one, because it\u2019s one of those expenses that people often point to as being worth it regardless of the cost. (Ask anyone what they\u2019d do if they had more money, and I\u2019ll bet the vast majority of people would tell you they\u2019d travel more.) It\u2019s also something that\u2019s become a bit of an aspirational status symbol in the age of social media, but we\u2019ll set that aside for the time being. <\/p>\n

The only way I was able to go on trips semi-frequently while earning around $60,000 per year was (a) working for an airline, and therefore having access to free standby flights, and (b) playing the travel credit card game such that I was paying in points more often than not. <\/p>\n

While the first isn\u2019t super achievable without firing off job applications to United Airlines, the second is mostly<\/em> replicable, and we broke down our favorite strategies in this episode<\/span><\/a> of The Money with Katie Show<\/em>. But if you\u2019re not in the mood to spend the energy and time overhauling your entire credit card suite, I think Ramit Sethi\u2019s advice goes the distance: Simply track what you\u2019re spending. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\n \u201c<\/span>We\u2019re spending a lot of money on a category that we don\u2019t actually feel is generating a ton of value in return.\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n
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I plugged my own data into the 2024 Wealth Planner so I could use its new Year in Review tab<\/span><\/a>  to see what we\u2019d spent on travel (airfare, hotels, ground transportation, airport parking, etc.) in 2023 so far, and it came out to around $11,000 for two people. It feels like every month we have to fly somewhere new for a wedding (we\u2019ve both been to Florida, Dallas, New York, London, Houston, San Antonio, and Scotland this year for someone\u2019s nuptials). I also personally went to visit family in Tennessee and see a football game in Alabama\u2026but if you\u2019d asked me to estimate how much we\u2019d spent this year in this category, I would\u2019ve way<\/em> underestimated it (still, we often pay with points or miles, which illustrates just how out of hand things have gotten). <\/p>\n

The reasons<\/em> for our trips (visiting family, going to weddings, etc.) lead to a disconnect in the way we think about our frequency of travel or whether or not we\u2019re \u201ctaking a lot of trips,\u201d because none of them feel<\/em> like vacations. This can lead to all sorts of weird dynamics, wherein we\u2019re spending a lot<\/em> of money on a category that we don\u2019t actually feel is generating a ton of value in return. I have a theory that this happens a lot for young people in this season of life. <\/p>\n

Still, airfare is quickly outpacing inflation<\/span><\/a>, and it\u2019s led me to reconsider my go-to sentiment that I must go far away to experience a true \u201cbreak\u201d from life as I know it. Now that we live in Northern California, we\u2019re trying to plan our next vacation for an area that’s within driving distance (like Yosemite, Tahoe, or wine country) rather than catapulting ourselves across the globe. <\/p>\n

While the ultra-frugal option might be forgoing travel altogether or only using points, the middle ground option might be saving the points and dollars for the trips we have<\/em> to take (because let\u2019s be real, there\u2019s a lot of that right now) and leaning into trips that don\u2019t<\/em> require two overpriced round trip tickets for our discretionary travel. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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At the end of the day, I\u2019m actually having fun with getting back to basics<\/h2>\n

I used to feel resentful of suggestions like the ones I listed above\u2014I figured a better life was always<\/em> associated with spending more. More trips to restaurants, more outings to Nordys, and more international jet setting. <\/p>\n

But recently, I\u2019ve been embracing the urge to simplify<\/strong>: to relish the opportunity to make my own food, enjoy how much mindspace is freed up by not owning unnecessary heaps of stuff, and exploring the interesting things that are right under my nose in my own town or state, rather than assuming I can only have valuable experiences in another country.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\n \u201c<\/span>I ended up craving the very thing I figured I\u2019d never want again: a return to the basics.\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/figure>\n
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It\u2019s a much less \u201crat race-y\u201d way to indulge in the world around you, because it doesn\u2019t require an ever-increasing stream of income (sometimes the \u201cdon\u2019t spend less, just earn more\u201d discourse can be self-defeating in that way). <\/p>\n

And it\u2019s funny: After my year of experimenting with deploying a higher income toward constant takeout, business class trips abroad, and a few big luxury splurges, I ended up craving the very thing I figured I\u2019d never want again: a return to the basics. My retirement accounts are thanking me.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last month, Ramit Sethi tweeted a few common pitfalls he witnesses from people who earn more than $150,000 per year and \u201cstop carefully tracking expenses.\u201d One jumped out at me in particular: \u201cBecause they stop tracking, their costs increase substantially on eating out and travel. I\u2019ll ask them about travel. 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